A Conditional Apology …

… is not really an apology at all.

I think that’s what conditions are.

We’ve all heard them. Almost all of us have used them.

“I’m sorry if my calling you a d!@& hurt your feelings, but what I really meant by that was …”

Anybody who’s ever been married … or in any kind of relationship lasting beyond appetizers … has heard this dodge. If you work in public relations, you should strike it from your vocabulary.

Here’s why:

1. You actually meant what you said but were surprised that you got in trouble for saying it.

2. You worded awkwardly something you meant to say and it could be understood in more than one manner.

3. ... there really is no 3


Here’s my public relations advice. This one you get free. Next time the meter’s running.

If you meant to say it, you meant it (presumably) for a reason. Unless you’ve changed your mind, don’t apologize. Ever. [see Murtha, John] If you live in such a fragile world that your honest opinion can get you into trouble, perhaps you should just, y’know … shut up. Nobody will believe your mea culpa anyway. You empower your opponents and demoralize your allies.

Seriously, STFU.

If you really misspoke, that should be clear from the context.

Or the situation (more context). It should not require a lot of explanation. Just say you’re sorry. [this is very rare]

If, however, you said something really fu({1n9 stupid, and you really need to apologize, at least have the decency to do the 15 seconds of research to sound the least bit, y’know, sincere.

Like spelling the names right.

Which brings us to our featured guest, the junior senator from the Commonwealth of Kentucky.

Completely misunderstanding the reach of modern technology, the former Phillies hurler demonstrated for once and all that the muscles between his shoulder and wrist far outmatch those between his ears.

From NBC's Ken Strickland and Mark Murray
In a written statement today, Kentucky GOP Sen. Jim Bunning apologized for remarks he made about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, in which he predicted that she would pass away in nine months.

"I apologize if my comments offended Justice Ginsberg," Bunning said. "That certainly was not my intent. It is great to see her back at the Supreme Court today and I hope she recovers quickly. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family."

Note: Bunning's office misspelled Ginsburg's last name.


No. Really. Not like that.

How Do Your Customers See Themselves?

If you’re from Cincinnati, particularly if you’re a Westie, you understand exactly what this image is about. You may be laughing, rolling your eyes or picking up the phone to schedule an appointment, but you understand what it’s about and who it’s for.

For one, it sits in perfect alignment with the dominant narrative about sons of the city’s fabled purple empire on the hill. One’s own relationship to Elder High School defines your perspective on the narrative – either these guys never really grow up or they really feel a sense of belonging to a place they spent four years early in their lives.

Human beings have an instinctive need to belong. Left to their own devices, they quickly sort themselves into tribes, clans, city states, nations, whatever.

Sometime these distinctions are merely a matter of preference such as Trojans fans versus Bruins fans. At other times it’s a desire to be around those who think, act and even look like you, whether that’s Promise Keepers or your college fraternity.

It’s the reason some make positive decisions like serving their country or working in community service. Neutral choices like a bowling league or the local chowder society. Or really bad choices like initiation into a street gang or voting in Republican primaries.

Sociologists call it tribalism, and it can be a powerful motivator. It just may be the mother lode of marketing. Imagine involving your audience in your brand to such an extent that they want to tell everybody.

Forever.

Now imagine aligning yourself with a passion so strong that you literally can sell … well … purple caskets.

Speak to who your audience sees themselves as being. Fire up the passion in your audience and they will follow you anywhere.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note I am an alumnus of Elder. I also should note that Terry Deters, who conceived the Purple Package, graduated from rival St. Xavier.

There’s a symmetry in that somehow.

Xe, formerly Blackwater …

I am changing my name and moving to a new town.

That’s what it seems Blackwater Worldwide is doing. At least the name-changing part.

Since nobody in the MSM seems interested in what’s going on in Mesopotamia anymore, perhaps you’ve forgotten about Blackwater, the private security firm that set some kind of record by being kicked out of a f*©(|{1n9 WAR for unnecessary roughness.

Anyway, what with civilian deaths and an employee life expectancy somewhere south of the common bottle fly, the company decided to turn the page and change its name to something called Xe. According to Associated Press, it’s pronounced like the last letter of the (American) English alphabet.

The whole huh? factor probably was part of the naming strategy. It's a good bet that hitting the newswires the Friday before a holiday weekend definitely was part of the strategy.

Will it work?

It just might.

In the world of big-time “private security,” sales are based a lot more on personal relationships than on branding strategies. It all depends on the attention spans of the folks who write about the industry.

And whether they’re inclined to let it happen quietly.

Xe. We got kicked out of a war for unnecessary roughness.

Maybe I could sell that.

Would You?

A Freak with Scottish Language Lesson. Who says we don't teach as we inform?




It's a fine line between love and, well ... stalking. This one goes out to EW who called it.

Social Media is Like Sex

I took a break the last few weeks because there are these people – who actually bring joy to my life – and they’ve gotten accustomed to me spending a day or a week now and then with … what’s the word? … my FAMILY. I followed along on the igoogle (which I love, btw thanks @billjacobs) when I could but it’s nothing like catching up on the friendfeed, or the twitter machine … It’s clear that I missed a meeting or two.

Naturally there’s all the feverish wrap-up just to be able to get on the plane. Then, when one returns, there are projects that require attention. If you’re lucky some of them are actually revenue-generating.

But I digress.

We’ve had a busy couple of weeks. Kevin Dugan, whom you may know as the prime instigator behind The Bad Pitch Blog
and Strategic Public Relations, found out he’s the 2009 recipient of the Bogart/VonDer/Von Dugan Award.

Or something.

Either way, he really is kind of a big deal. If you get a chance, congratulate him.

One of the actual nice guys (he doesn’t know from me but anybody who marries his college sweetheart and still writes about her like this is a good guy in my book) suffers a loss and shares it very publicly.

I’m sure all of us pass along our condolences and best wishes.



And to task:

We all were captivated over whether social media was source of “personal branding.”

Or not.

One of the high priests of the SocMed or SM (yes!) or whatever the hell we’re calling it this week to stay under 140 characters said NO.

Then said YES.

Or maybe.

I don’t know. I got bored.

You know how when you’re reading a book on the plane and you’re tired and you realize that two or three pages have gone by? And you know you’ve read every word but absorbed none of them?

Yeah, it’s like that.

When did Carlos become king of all Atrusia? Wha’?

Then, one of my favorite public relations bloggers (and thinkers) declared WAR on messaging.

Not MESSAGES, mind you, just MESSAGING.

A definition is provided for your convenience so you don’t miss the distinction.

Semantics for fun and profit.

Or prophet as the case may be.

S’anyway …

How is Social Media Like Sex?

You can talk about it. Or, you can do it.

This is not to say that talking precludes doing, just that you can’t do both at the same time.

And just like in high school, the more you talk …



Image Cred

Garbage Day*

We all had good snicker a few months ago when two-time presidential and one-time veep candidate John Edwards (no, the other one)made his first public appearance after his affair was revealed opposite the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. That was just good planning. Even more fortuitous for him -- if not for the good people of Tbilisi -- was that it also was the day Vladimir Putin decided to roll his considerable military hardware into Georgia (no, the other one).

Tuesday is Inauguration Day in the States. The mother of all garbage days. If you've got bad news about your organization and it's only good for a news cycle or two, 10:00 a.m. EST on the 20th is the most wonderful time of the year.

Even better for you, if not those R/TV grads at your local radio station, is that there may be fewer broadcast journos around to notice. My colleague Yancy Deering points out that the NY Post and WSJ are reporting that Clear Channel is going to dump seven percent of its staff tomorrow.

Coverage has said that it’s mostly behind the scenes and sales people, but Radio and Records says they are looking to replace local air talent with national programming. That could mean more voice-tracking on music stations, or it could mean a local host or two is replaced with a national show.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your dumpsters.

UPDATE* from the Cinti ABJ outlet



Image Cred

Happy Christmas Your @$$

A CSR Classic

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Worst Christmas Song Evah!

Over at Days in Eden, a Cincinnati urban blog, the management unwittingly and foolishly has issued a challenge. This hubris cannot go unpunished. I have no choice but to unleash the terrible beauty of the Yuletide badness that is:



May Nat have mercy on us all.



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Bonus Beat

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